My Violent Father

Preamble:

The regulation of our emotion in the presence of others requires a knowledge of self - an inner awareness.  We are defined by our words and actions, and the consistency of our outward behaviour toward others.  This means at times making the conscious choice not to be like our idols or former role models in our family of origin.  With emotional awareness and insight, we can consistently choose to treat others with respect and dignity.

To achieve that end we need to always question our own behaviour and seek out help as necessary, particularly where our behaviour impacts others negatively.

The prose below describes the impact of violence on a male adult impacted by a violent father as a child within his family.

My Violent Father

Images of brute violence and verbal altercation stain my innocent mind as a child looking on my drunken father and cowering mother. I feel helpless in the moment to save my mother but also alert to the beast-head, my father, before me, should he target me next.

Bullets of words and obscenities fill the air like rain showering on a tin roof, loud and scattered. The dark mood fills the air, as does the racing hearts of all that witness.

I pray the occasion to pass as quickly as it started. The union of our family is again broken with hurtful words that stick like mud in the earthen sun. The heat of the moment is imprinted in the minds of the innocent watching, as dangerous clues to avoid lifelong.

My mother eventually took refuge from Dad’s assaults and offensive language, a broken but brave woman, as we all packed our bags one day to travel to her sister’s residence in the country.

We were sad to leave our friends and familiar surroundings but not the violence our father wrought on our mother and family, time after time.

We were too young to stand-up to our father and his nuanced and controlling ways. We looked instead to a new beginning as a family - to live with dignity and without fear.

Later in life I learnt my father was the splitting image of his father and his misdemeanours that defined him. I sought counselling to ensure I was never to be like him, disrespectful to those that loved him when under the influence, and at other times because of his insecurities related to his own upbringing.

Tim Halls
12/12/2025